I'm bad at blogging...

Here I am, 15 months after my last post. Still not pregnant, but still with hope. A lot has happened during this time. I will try and give the abridged catch up without any of the emotions that went with it:

July 2011 - IVF/ICSI Antagonist Cycle 1 - BFN (Big Fat Negative). 14 eggs collected. 13 are mature. 11 fertilise successfully using ISCI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection ). All grow well through day 4. On day 5, one embryo was transferred and 3 were suitable to be frozen at blastocyst (5 day) stage. AF arrives before BT so I knew it was negative.

Sept 2011 - Natural Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)  #1- BFN. Didn't make it to blood test.

Oct 2011 - Natural FET #2 - One embryo does not survive the thaw process so they thaw and transfer our final frozen embryo. Didn't make it to BT again. I suspect that no progesterone support may be the problem. FS not convinced. Further testing, mainly karyoptyping (chromosome testing) for both of us and a full thrombophilia screen for me. 14 vials of blood later and still nothing out of the ordinary. I also asked about Natural Killer cells but FS said there isn't enough evidence to prove that they affect implantation and is against testing for them.

We decide to take a long break for physical, emotional and financial reasons. During this time I began weekly acupuncture to try a more natural approach.

February 2012 - IVF/ICSIBegin Long Down Regulated Cycle. Take injections and drugs to make my body think it's in menopause before beginning follicle stimulating drugs.  Go in for egg collection in March and get 16 eggs. 14 are mature and 13 are fertilised successfully. All grow well through Day 4. On day 5 we have one hatching blastocyst put back and are told only one is suitable to freeze. Very disappointing. The next day they tell us that 2 more were able to be frozen, taking our stored embryo count to 3. This cycle I begged them to put me on their Luteal Protocol which involves taking steroids and antibiotics for 5 days each, as well as taking estrogen tablets and Clexane injections. Due date of period comes and goes. Have never made it this far before and allow ourselves to believe it might actually work...

Blood test day. I make J phone for the results. I get home to the news that I am pregnant for the first time ever. Of course, there's a catch so don't get excited. Pregnancy hormone (hcg) should ideally be over 100 by this stage. Mine is 37. Anything greater than 10 is considered 'pregnant'. They tell me to come back 2 days later for a repeat BT. If number has doubled I may have a viable pregnancy. If it fails to double or it drops a miscarriage is inevitable. It's called a Chemical Pregnancy. Spend the next 36 hours madly googling success stories of low beta hcg results that went on to be successful pregnancies. Follow up BT shows HCG has fallen to 24. Advised to cease all meds and wait for period to arrive. Pregnancy ends at 5 w 2 d. Do not cope well at all and take entire week off work. It was so devastating to have gotten so close and then have it taken away. We did try to look on the positive side. I can actually get pregnant. Now we just need to make it stay there.

May 2012 - Plan for a Medicated FET with same luteal protocol. J books flights home to visit family and will not be here for transfer or BT results. After he has left I start to think about receiving results without him home. Begin having major anxiety and book a last minute flight 2 days after transfer to be with him. A week after transfer I have signs that indicate the cycle may not have worked. I decide to do a home pregnancy test to put myself out of my misery (at least if I know it's negative I can start drinking!). Damn HPT is positive! Disbelief. Email FS to ask him what he thinks. He says wait until you get home and come for a BT. That's still a week away. Decide to POAS every day and see what happens. The next day there is still a line. The following day the line is lighter. This is not a good sign, and indicates another chemical pregnancy. The following day the line is lighter again, almost invisible and AF arrives. Positive to this cycle was that we got to meet our beautiful nephew who was adopted by J's sister and brother in law last year. This really opens our eyes up to the possibility of adopting if we are unable to have a biological child and we feel more at ease with this idea after seeing them.

July 2012 - Convince FS to allow us to transfer our remaining 2 embyros in another medicated FET. He agrees, however warnings of complications involved with possible twin pregnancies come thick and fast. Begin medicated FET and luteal protocol once again. On transfer day they call to say one embryo hasn't survived the thaw but they will proceed with the transfer of the remaining embryo. I ask the scientist to keep the 'bad' embryo so I can see it and compare how it looks to the 'good' embryo. Guess what? They looked exactly the same to me and despite FS and scientist assuring us it was fine to transfer I knew immediately that this cycle would not work and we had wasted our money. As soon as I saw the embryo on the screen it looked totally different to the other 5 we'd transferred previously - all patchy and dark. I cry pretty much as soon as we get in the car and get the inevitable news about 9 days later - BFN. Am faced with the realisation that I have undergone 6 IVF cycles and am not pregnant. Around us, everyone seems to be getting pregnant, including people who are way more reproductively challenged than I am (on paper anyway).

I'll finish this long post here and start another one with a new chapter in this journey...

Drug Diary

As a part of treatment you are given a 'drug diary', which is basically a sheet of paper where you mark which meds you have to take on each day.


Here is my cocktail mix: 


Cycle Day (CD) 1 - Baseline Blood test, collect meds
CD2 - Gonal F (150) - (a hormone injection that stimulates the ovaries to mass produce eggs)
CD3 - Gonal F
CD4 - Gonal F
CD5 - Gonal F
CD6 - Gonal F 
CD7 - Gonal F & start Orgalutron (another injection. This one stops your ovaries from releasing the eggs they're producing)
CD8 - Blood test & Ultrasound scan @ 7.30am. Showed 4 obvious follicles and a few others that may not mature in time. Gonal F & Orgalutron
CD9 - Gonal F & Orgalutron
CD10 - Gonal F & Orgalutron
CD11 - Gonal F & Orgalutron
CD12 - Blood test & Ultrasound scan @ 8am. Showed TWENTY (!!) suitable follicles! 8 on my left ovary, 12 on my right. Gonal F & Orgalutron - LAST DOSES! :) Egg Pick Up (EPU) scheduled for 9am on CD 15.
CD 13 - Ovidrel (Trigger injection given precisely 38 hours before EPU occurs) @ 7pm.
CD 14 - Jab-free day - woo hoo! My poor pin-cushion tummy is grateful!
CD 15 - Egg pick up. Start progesterone support, which is NOT an injection - thankfully!


My thoughts on self-injecting - it's not as bad as I expected. All shots are given into the stomach, about an inch or two beside, or slighty under, the belly button. I alternated sides each night. Gonal F is a nice easy to use 'pen', looks similar to an epi-pen and has a short, fine needle that I barely felt going in. Orgalutron was not so kind to me - the needle seems a bit 'blunter' than the Gonal pen, and stung a bit more going in. For about an hour or so after that injection I got a stinging/itchy sensation under my skin and often some redness. I only managed to give myself one bruise in almost 20 injections, and that was on my second last night!

The drugs that are going to help make a baby!

My own personal 'sharps disposal bin' - anyone that breaks in will think I'm a junkie!

Underway!

Our first IVF/ICSI cycle began on July 4th. I went to the fertility nurse to have my baseline blood test and all came back OK. After parting with a large sum of money I had my bag of drugs and was off! I started injecting on the 5th July with nightly injections of Gonal F (to stimulate my ovaries so they produce more eggs). The injection isn't bad at all, although the first one took a lot of mental preparation before I could actually jab myself! On the 7th the nurse called to schedule a blood test and ultrasound for Monday 11th July. I also had instructions to begin my Orgalutron injections on Sunday night. This came with a warning that 'the needle is blunter than Gonal, so expect it to hurt a little more.' Great. The injection itself didn't hurt but the injection site got red, sting-y and itchy for about an hour or so after.

So, BT & U/S Monday - there are about 5 follicles on each ovary. Three on each ovary are growing at the correct rate, whilst the others are a little small and may not mature in time for egg collection. I think we're looking at a haul of 4 (but secretly hoping for 6!) eggs. Back for another BT & U/S on Friday 15th where I expect them to tell me that egg retrieval will be on Monday 18th July....my vacation time will be a little longer than expected!

Crunch time

After our follow up appointment with Dr B last week we decided that our best option is to start IVF. We are hoping to be able to start in July. It is a lot to take in, and we're still getting used to the idea ourselves. But we are excited and relieved to finally have the wheels in motion.

Update

I'm thinking that I will really try to keep this blog up to date. As grateful as I am for family & friends enquiring how things are going, some times telling the same update 10 times becomes tedious. By writing this blog, the people who we want to keep up to date with our progress will have easy access to the latest news.

We did another round of Clomid in February. It didn't work. Further ultrasounds suggested that the cyst on my ovary was more than likely an endometrioma. By March, Dr B was suggesting that we really need to go ahead with the surgery (laparoscopy)  to remove it. Doing this would also give him a chance to see if anything else was wrong. Ultrasounds and blood tests only tell us so much. He also told us that he thought our best chance to conceive would come from IVF. To do an egg retireval with a cyst/endometrioma in the way would risk infection. Therefore, surgery was necessary before moving to IVF.

We approached AHM, my health insurance fund, and were told that due their belief that this is all a pre-existing condition that they would offer no benefit until the 12 months waiting period had passed (Sept 2011). Not wanting to wait that long, we decided to go ahead with the surgery anyway and booked in for May 20. This allowed us to enjoy our already planned vacation to Vietnam in April.

I am really unhappy with AHM's decision, as I do not believe the condition was pre-existing according to their definition.  My GP & specialist both wrote letters to support this, but AHM's 'medically trained' decision maker disagreed. When I pushed AHM as to whether 'medical training' meant that the person was a doctor they refused to answer. I pointed out that I considered myself to be medically trained as I have a Senior First Aid Certificate, although that would clearly not make me qualified to decide whether someone deserved their operation paid for or not. They didn't enjoy these further questions, refusing to answer them. I will be taking it up with the Private Health Insurance Ombudsman.

So, that brought us to operation day...which I will put in the next entry.