Here I am, 15 months after my last post. Still not pregnant, but still with hope. A lot has happened during this time. I will try and give the abridged catch up without any of the emotions that went with it:
July 2011 - IVF/ICSI Antagonist Cycle 1 - BFN (Big Fat Negative). 14 eggs collected. 13 are mature. 11 fertilise successfully using ISCI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection ). All grow well through day 4. On day 5, one embryo was transferred and 3 were suitable to be frozen at blastocyst (5 day) stage. AF arrives before BT so I knew it was negative.
Sept 2011 - Natural Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) #1- BFN. Didn't make it to blood test.
Oct 2011 - Natural FET #2 - One embryo does not survive the thaw process so they thaw and transfer our final frozen embryo. Didn't make it to BT again. I suspect that no progesterone support may be the problem. FS not convinced. Further testing, mainly karyoptyping (chromosome testing) for both of us and a full thrombophilia screen for me. 14 vials of blood later and still nothing out of the ordinary. I also asked about Natural Killer cells but FS said there isn't enough evidence to prove that they affect implantation and is against testing for them.
We decide to take a long break for physical, emotional and financial reasons. During this time I began weekly acupuncture to try a more natural approach.
February 2012 - IVF/ICSIBegin Long Down Regulated Cycle. Take injections and drugs to make my body think it's in menopause before beginning follicle stimulating drugs. Go in for egg collection in March and get 16 eggs. 14 are mature and 13 are fertilised successfully. All grow well through Day 4. On day 5 we have one hatching blastocyst put back and are told only one is suitable to freeze. Very disappointing. The next day they tell us that 2 more were able to be frozen, taking our stored embryo count to 3. This cycle I begged them to put me on their Luteal Protocol which involves taking steroids and antibiotics for 5 days each, as well as taking estrogen tablets and Clexane injections. Due date of period comes and goes. Have never made it this far before and allow ourselves to believe it might actually work...
Blood test day. I make J phone for the results. I get home to the news that I am pregnant for the first time ever. Of course, there's a catch so don't get excited. Pregnancy hormone (hcg) should ideally be over 100 by this stage. Mine is 37. Anything greater than 10 is considered 'pregnant'. They tell me to come back 2 days later for a repeat BT. If number has doubled I may have a viable pregnancy. If it fails to double or it drops a miscarriage is inevitable. It's called a Chemical Pregnancy. Spend the next 36 hours madly googling success stories of low beta hcg results that went on to be successful pregnancies. Follow up BT shows HCG has fallen to 24. Advised to cease all meds and wait for period to arrive. Pregnancy ends at 5 w 2 d. Do not cope well at all and take entire week off work. It was so devastating to have gotten so close and then have it taken away. We did try to look on the positive side. I can actually get pregnant. Now we just need to make it stay there.
May 2012 - Plan for a Medicated FET with same luteal protocol. J books flights home to visit family and will not be here for transfer or BT results. After he has left I start to think about receiving results without him home. Begin having major anxiety and book a last minute flight 2 days after transfer to be with him. A week after transfer I have signs that indicate the cycle may not have worked. I decide to do a home pregnancy test to put myself out of my misery (at least if I know it's negative I can start drinking!). Damn HPT is positive! Disbelief. Email FS to ask him what he thinks. He says wait until you get home and come for a BT. That's still a week away. Decide to POAS every day and see what happens. The next day there is still a line. The following day the line is lighter. This is not a good sign, and indicates another chemical pregnancy. The following day the line is lighter again, almost invisible and AF arrives. Positive to this cycle was that we got to meet our beautiful nephew who was adopted by J's sister and brother in law last year. This really opens our eyes up to the possibility of adopting if we are unable to have a biological child and we feel more at ease with this idea after seeing them.
July 2012 - Convince FS to allow us to transfer our remaining 2 embyros in another medicated FET. He agrees, however warnings of complications involved with possible twin pregnancies come thick and fast. Begin medicated FET and luteal protocol once again. On transfer day they call to say one embryo hasn't survived the thaw but they will proceed with the transfer of the remaining embryo. I ask the scientist to keep the 'bad' embryo so I can see it and compare how it looks to the 'good' embryo. Guess what? They looked exactly the same to me and despite FS and scientist assuring us it was fine to transfer I knew immediately that this cycle would not work and we had wasted our money. As soon as I saw the embryo on the screen it looked totally different to the other 5 we'd transferred previously - all patchy and dark. I cry pretty much as soon as we get in the car and get the inevitable news about 9 days later - BFN. Am faced with the realisation that I have undergone 6 IVF cycles and am not pregnant. Around us, everyone seems to be getting pregnant, including people who are way more reproductively challenged than I am (on paper anyway).
I'll finish this long post here and start another one with a new chapter in this journey...
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Things you shouldn't say to your reproductively challenged friend/family member
In the time I've been trying to conceive, you wouldn't believe the things people have to say about it. I realise that when confronted with infertility (albeit someone else's) many people aren't sure what to say and blurt out something they might think is terribly helpful. It's usually not. Here is a list of things you probably shouldn't say to me, or anyone else that's having difficulty conceiving.
1. "Just relax and it will happen." I am relaxed. Thanks. And although stress can affect fertility I can assure you that none of the invasive, expensive tests I've had to put my body through suggested I was 'too stressed out' to conceive.
2. "I just have to look at my husband and I get pregnant." Not helpful. It's not about you and how easily you can get pregnant. It's about the fact that I can't.
3. "There are worse things in the world than being infertile." You're right. Natural disasters, war, terrorism, being diagnosed with a terminal illness, etc are all infinitely worse than being infertile. I know that because I'm not stupid. This still does not make me feel better that I can't make a baby. Sometimes, to me, it doesn't feel like there's anything else in my world worse than that.
4. "Maybe you're just not meant to be parents." This often comes from religious minded people who firmly believe God has a plan for us, and that plan might not include children. Well, my plan does include children, so I'm doing what I can to make it happen.
5. "Maybe you've got a hostile uterus (or some other condition)?" You've been watching too much Grey's Anatomy. Don't diagnose me, unless you're my doctor.
6. "Be glad you're not pregnant because you'll get morning sickness/stretch marks/back pain/can't drink alcohol." I'll take it all. I'm pretty sure having a healthy baby trumps all those insignificant 'inconveniences'.
7. "Aren't you glad you can't have a kid, you don't have to deal with poopy nappies, temper tantrums, sleepless nights etc etc etc" No. I'm not glad actually. PS - Don't ever speak to me again. The general rule would be to try not complain about your pregnancy or children to your friend that is dealing with infertility. Save it for your Mummy friends.
8. "I had a friend who got pregnant as soon as she stopped trying." I'm not that friend, our circumstances are most like vastly different, and I have less than 1% chance of getting pregnant naturally I can't see that happening. Again, it's just not a helpful thing to say.
9. "Why don't you just adopt?" If you've never had to research adoption, you're lucky. There are less than 70 domestic adoptions Australia-wide each year. It's not uncommon for a couple to wait up to 10 years to adopt domestically. Inter-country adoption wait times are around 5-7 years. It's not as easy for us as it is for the celebrities.
10. "I hope you get pregnant eventually because being a parent is the best job ever." Here's hoping I find that out for myself one day but, until then, try not to rub it in, OK?
11. "Have you tried *insert any number of things here*? That worked for me." Suggesting sexual positions, telling me to put a pillow under my butt, suggesting I eat certain foods or take certain supplements etc don't usually help people who have a less than 1% chance of a natural pregnancy. And anyway, I tried them all waaay back when I started TTC, back when I naively thought stopping the pill was enough to get pregnant.
12. "Maybe I need to take your husband aside and give him some tips." (Often followed by winking, nudging) I don't need to explain why this is inappropriate. This is often a male's response, and it just makes me want to punch something (usually the face of the person who said it).
13. "I've heard IVF is really expensive." You heard right, and I don't need to be reminded. See my running costs list to the right.
14. "I know how you feel, I took me 2 months to conceive my first baby. It was really depressing" If you felt that way after 2 months, imagine how you might feel after 2+ years. And unless you're in the exact same situation as we are you don't know how I feel.
15. "You're from a really fertile family, so you'll be fine." In most cases of infertility, genetics has absolutely nothing to do with it.
I could add more to the list, but I think I've given you enough ideas! You might be asking "Wow, what can I say?" Say "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm here for you if you need me." It's also super helpful if you remember things I've told you...for example if I tell you I have a Drs appt scheduled, a message asking how it went is always appreciated.
1. "Just relax and it will happen." I am relaxed. Thanks. And although stress can affect fertility I can assure you that none of the invasive, expensive tests I've had to put my body through suggested I was 'too stressed out' to conceive.
2. "I just have to look at my husband and I get pregnant." Not helpful. It's not about you and how easily you can get pregnant. It's about the fact that I can't.
3. "There are worse things in the world than being infertile." You're right. Natural disasters, war, terrorism, being diagnosed with a terminal illness, etc are all infinitely worse than being infertile. I know that because I'm not stupid. This still does not make me feel better that I can't make a baby. Sometimes, to me, it doesn't feel like there's anything else in my world worse than that.
4. "Maybe you're just not meant to be parents." This often comes from religious minded people who firmly believe God has a plan for us, and that plan might not include children. Well, my plan does include children, so I'm doing what I can to make it happen.
5. "Maybe you've got a hostile uterus (or some other condition)?" You've been watching too much Grey's Anatomy. Don't diagnose me, unless you're my doctor.
6. "Be glad you're not pregnant because you'll get morning sickness/stretch marks/back pain/can't drink alcohol." I'll take it all. I'm pretty sure having a healthy baby trumps all those insignificant 'inconveniences'.
7. "Aren't you glad you can't have a kid, you don't have to deal with poopy nappies, temper tantrums, sleepless nights etc etc etc" No. I'm not glad actually. PS - Don't ever speak to me again. The general rule would be to try not complain about your pregnancy or children to your friend that is dealing with infertility. Save it for your Mummy friends.
8. "I had a friend who got pregnant as soon as she stopped trying." I'm not that friend, our circumstances are most like vastly different, and I have less than 1% chance of getting pregnant naturally I can't see that happening. Again, it's just not a helpful thing to say.
9. "Why don't you just adopt?" If you've never had to research adoption, you're lucky. There are less than 70 domestic adoptions Australia-wide each year. It's not uncommon for a couple to wait up to 10 years to adopt domestically. Inter-country adoption wait times are around 5-7 years. It's not as easy for us as it is for the celebrities.
10. "I hope you get pregnant eventually because being a parent is the best job ever." Here's hoping I find that out for myself one day but, until then, try not to rub it in, OK?
11. "Have you tried *insert any number of things here*? That worked for me." Suggesting sexual positions, telling me to put a pillow under my butt, suggesting I eat certain foods or take certain supplements etc don't usually help people who have a less than 1% chance of a natural pregnancy. And anyway, I tried them all waaay back when I started TTC, back when I naively thought stopping the pill was enough to get pregnant.
12. "Maybe I need to take your husband aside and give him some tips." (Often followed by winking, nudging) I don't need to explain why this is inappropriate. This is often a male's response, and it just makes me want to punch something (usually the face of the person who said it).
13. "I've heard IVF is really expensive." You heard right, and I don't need to be reminded. See my running costs list to the right.
14. "I know how you feel, I took me 2 months to conceive my first baby. It was really depressing" If you felt that way after 2 months, imagine how you might feel after 2+ years. And unless you're in the exact same situation as we are you don't know how I feel.
15. "You're from a really fertile family, so you'll be fine." In most cases of infertility, genetics has absolutely nothing to do with it.
I could add more to the list, but I think I've given you enough ideas! You might be asking "Wow, what can I say?" Say "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm here for you if you need me." It's also super helpful if you remember things I've told you...for example if I tell you I have a Drs appt scheduled, a message asking how it went is always appreciated.
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